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And the rest is just noise.

Sometimes her words replay on repeat. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter It doesn’t matter. And although this sounds grim, I’m really trying to agree with her. In that, very little actually does matter. Because my brain is a brain that automatically thinks everything matters. Immensely. Everything is worthy of regard. Of noise. Or clamour.  And then sometimes, the things that aren’t even worthy of brain space somehow end up lying to me. They tell me that they matter more. And without fulfilling their obligations, then this removes any slim pickings of calm from within my head, So suddenly, everything is loud and everything is shouting about how much is matters. And there is no room beyond this roar. And this is precisely what I’m trying to fix. Medication is a powerful thing. And to those who are all very keen to show off their ignorance, disguised as superiority: All I can say is that your statements reek of having a brain that is quiet. Or perhaps of a brain that is loud too, b...
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Baby “White Noise” Ratings.

Lo and behold I consider myself somewhat of an expert when it comes to mildly irritating sounds that one desperately finds in the middle of the night to try calm your screaming baby. And then here I am, over two years later, still using these same sounds because will our toddler sleep without it? Nobody knows and obviously that is not a risk we are willing to take. To be fair though, mostly we still use white noise at night because we live in a 50sqm house and so you’re screwed if you want a snack past the late hour of 6:30pm. It would be easier to just starve all night rather than wake up the baby and the toddler.  Anyway, we’ve been through an array of different types of “sleep noises” in our time. Some are great and some are terrible, as all things are. It’s important to note that apparently, most of what is labeled as “white noise” actually isn’t, and so I’ve discovered that I’ve been living a lie for these past two years. Hence this ranking is actually about an array of synthe...
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Lockdown Things.

Yikes. The whole of NZ is back in Level 4 lockdown, over one whole year later since our previous one. It was only a matter of time, yet I do want to quickly note that the whole situation here is handled impeccably well. I am in full support of how quick and fast NZ jumps into keeping everyone safe. It sucks, absolutely, but it’s necessary. I also want to acknowledge how lucky I am that for us, being in lockdown doesn’t extend beyond “it sucks”. We have a safe place to live, we have work, we are healthy, we can afford what we need. We are very, very lucky and I completely acknowledge  how lockdown is a different experience for people in vulnerable circumstances. Here’s a wee update on things at the mo in our 50sqm house:  - Both my husband and I are trying to work, while looking after our two year old and our seven month old. This is ... a lot, and I’m just very glad that we don’t have homeschooling to add into the mix too. Let’s just say that it’s near impossible to get anythi...
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On climate anxiety.

 Perhaps anxiety isn't the right word. Well, not for me anyway.  Anxiety for me is when the petrol pump keeps clicking off or I have *shudders* a phone interview or *gulps back spew* I have to stand up for myself. So I send the scary email and then chuck my phone away for the next 12 hours while my palms sweat. But that's not really what I feel with regards to the climate. Though I definitely see how people do. I feel more a sense of Rage (the lite version) or Stress (the stressy version) or Despair (because why does boiling the potatoes matter when we're all going to be dead because of ourselves anyway?). I think all these feelings towards climate change and the human destruction of the environment are valid. Because it means that we care. And whether you feel angry or anxious or stressed or exhausted by it all, by feeling like no one with the power to actually change anything cares - these feelings are a hell of a lot better than apathy. And these stressy climate thoughts...
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July/August Things.

All the things that I can remember off the top of my head at 6:12 am (so probably not even half the things. But a selection of things nevertheless). Enjoy my mundane update! - The night before last I was woken to a "uhhh ... Kaitlyn the trampoline is gone." And that woke me up in a jiffy. It was a ragingly stormy night and despite being extensively tied down with sailing grade rope, our trampoline did a runner. And we couldn't see it anywhere. So we spent the rest of the night panicking that either a) it would hit our house, b) it would hit someone else's house, c) it would go onto the road, or d) it would hit a lone cow. To be honest, we were hoping someone just decided to steal it, rurally, in the middle of a storm. Alas, the next day we woke up to find it in a ditch down the road. Key: not on the road, praise be. It's completely destroyed, but we're just relieved that nothing bad happened! Our toddler, on the other hand, was less tolerant of the situation. ...
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“Do you research” does not mean reading Facebook.

 Most days I come across yet another person I follow on Instagram having fallen deep deep into the whole anti-vaxx, anti-lockdown, scamdemic thing. And I’m just like you too mate? Yet another one bites the dust?  They all seem to have a few things in common. Largeish followings. White. Wealthy. Everyone close to them is healthy. Job title: influencer.  I can’t even with these people. They both shock me and appal me. And I just feel like they’re growing in number each day. Let’s just say I’ve been pressing the unfollow button a lot lately. Sometimes though I go back to visit their page a while later, just to see how deep down the fake rabbit hole they’ve fallen.  Wakeful babies give you plenty of time to scroll. I think it’s the shock value that makes me want to look again.  And each time I’m even more shocked and grossed out by their sheer lack of common sense alongside their cruelty towards literally anyone who isn’t them. So many of them have escalated beyond ...
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People are so angry about ..: a dying whale?

Huh? Yes? A stranded baby whale managed to kick up this much of a stir? I think we all know what happened to poor baby Toa . And sadly he passed away, despite the huge efforts of many people who worked hard to care for him around the clock. This isn’t about the ethics of what needed to happen to Toa if his pod wasn’t found. This is about the incredibly critical, self-declaring whale calf experts that New Zealand suddenly has. And so Toa’s passing obviously bought out the worst in humanity, through the form of ragey comments on the NZ Herald article.  Obviously. These whale experts are all very helpful from behind their screens, and are especially knowledgeable now that Toa is in orca heaven. They claim to know exactly why Toa died and how the people looking after him failed him. This is so very helpful of them, angry clunk-clunk typing from behind their keyboards. They’re probably mad about capital gains tax or something, but need to release it via whale-rage. Here are my favourite...
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