Lo and behold I consider myself somewhat of an expert when it comes to mildly irritating sounds that one desperately finds in the middle of the night to try calm your screaming baby.
And then here I am, over two years later, still using these same sounds because will our toddler sleep without it? Nobody knows and obviously that is not a risk we are willing to take.
To be fair though, mostly we still use white noise at night because we live in a 50sqm house and so you’re screwed if you want a snack past the late hour of 6:30pm. It would be easier to just starve all night rather than wake up the baby and the toddler.
Anyway, we’ve been through an array of different types of “sleep noises” in our time. Some are great and some are terrible, as all things are.
It’s important to note that apparently, most of what is labeled as “white noise” actually isn’t, and so I’ve discovered that I’ve been living a lie for these past two years. Hence this ranking is actually about an array of synthetic noises for “good sleep”, so no need to @ me about the different wavelengths of pink vs brown noise or whatever.
From best to worst:
1) Rain sounds. So good. So cozy. So calm. Was 100% set on using this forever until my husband said it sounded like bacon frying, which ruined approximately 10% of it for me. Still the best of the bunch though, despite the bubbling bacon wafting through the room at 2am.
2) The terrifying Lula doll. We got given one when our first was a baby and be warned, this thing sounds like it will possess you in the night if you listen to it while your awake. Her raspy snoring and raggedy breathing are terrifying, but I think that once you’re asleep your body returns to it’s very instinctual state and so it quite enjoys the demon sounds of the underworld.
3) Ocean sounds. Now this sounds like it would be calming, but it’s actually not. I find that with every wave, I’m just waiting for the next one. It’s the gap between the sounds that’s irritating? Is this just me? Sleeping on a beach sounds really unappealing, but the middle of a storm is obviously A+? Is this weird?
4) White noise. I feel like no matter what volume you set, it always sounds like you’re trying to sleep next to a plane taking off in your room. Irritating, but it does make you feel like you’re lowkey chasing wellness and should go drink some celery juice or something. Hmm.
5) The shushing. I cannot for the life of me stress how uncomfortable this is to sleep to. Our eldest went through a phase where this is all she’d fall asleep to and we were too afraid to change it, so we’d listen to “SHHHHHH” *5 second gap* “SHHHHHH” all night long for like 3 months and it was truly awful, I’d try block it out with my pillow. For some reason it’s still on my phone, and sometimes the music shuffles to it and I can’t race to change it fast enough. But then I never delete it and the cycle continues and basically it haunts me forever.
There are quite a few I’ve missed, so my apologies. Pink noise and brown noise aren’t so bad either, but I don’t know enough about them to write anything even remotely intelligent. On the other hand, rainforest sounds are lovely, but for sleeping? No way. I’d rather be awake as my brain keeps wondering if a jaguar will arrive.
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