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A definitive ranking of places to throw up when you're pregnant.

It was the other night as I was ever so elegantly puking into the overgrown bushes that grace our driveway, that this idea pinged into my head.

Why not write about the common places to throw up in when morning sickness (let's face it though, a man definitely came up with that name, it's all day and night) has you wrapped around it's little finger?

How fun! Definitely a normal thing to write about. And even better, I'm ranking them from worst to best, so if you're reading this and you ever have enough time to choose where you next puke, then hopefully this list will be helpful. I'm giving myself the grand authority to list these places because I've been lucky enough to have thrown up hundreds of times over two pregnancies. What a dream!

Places to throw up in when you're pregnant, from worst to best:

1) On yourself in the car when you don't have a suitable receptacle. This is most probably the worst place. It will go on your clothes. It will soak onto the car upholstery. It might go on the floor. It will definitely be summer and it will be so hot and muggy and the smell will permeate your car for at least the next two months. You might also get to do it with an audience like when you've just pulled up into the train station car park or into Countdown. It's not so bad if you're just arrived home because then you can quickly grab the carpet cleaner when you've finished heaving and scrub away. But it's definitely the worst if a) you're driving or b) you're about to go somewhere important and then you have to turn up with vomit stains on you. Note to self: always, always try to keep a stash of containers or plastic bags in the glove box. But of course you won't, because who has time to remember things like that? 

2) Gross public bathrooms. If you're feeling nauseous and want it to go away, but you aren't quite at the vomiting level just yet, a public bathroom will easily help you out. 99% of the time they're gross. The floor is always yuck. The smell is always bad. You have to try and throw up really quietly because it always happens to be busy whenever you need it. You always end up leaving feeling slightly more gross than when you walked in.

3) The driveway. Bonus points if it's you're own driveway, because that's slightly less embarrassing, and more points again if your driveway is private so the neighbors can't see you. When I make it home without puking on myself in the car (see #1), but can't hold it in going up the stairs, then the driveway it is. Though I do have to be careful whereabouts exactly, because our driveway is very steep so I don't want to be standing downstream if you get my drift. When my husband and I were flatting, we had a very flat driveway so that was perfect for as soon as I jumped off the bus from uni. Though a few times it ended up staining (?!?) the driveway, which doesn't seem like something that should happen, and it took a lot of scrubbing to remove the marks.

4) Laying in bed with a bucket. This is not so bad, but you're generally feeling pretty rubbish to be laying somewhere with a bucket. During my first pregnancy, I used to carry a gold bucket around the house with me. It was there next to me first thing in the morning, when I couldn't stand up without puking, and there next to me at night as I fell asleep. Good memories. Two things you do have to be careful of though are a) having very good aim to only get the bucket, not yourself or the floor or your bed, and b) being very careful as you empty the bucket so that it doesn't all splash back up at you.

5) Sitting on the toilet and holding a bowl. The classic position. The best by far. Because you know when you vomit so hard that you pee? (Yes, no, maybe? Or is that just me?) This way has you covered and there is no mess to clean up. It's even better when you're home alone. Though it does require a bit of preparation to remember the bowl and such, so it really only works if you have at least a 30 second warning. 10/10 recommend. 

So that's the super gross list that nobody asked for and I'm questioning why I'm even publishing this on the internet. Got to go have some Ondansetron now. 

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