Tortillas at Midnight

These past 12 hours I’ve had so much alone time, I feel quite strange and everything feels unfamiliar.  It has been wonderful! But also a bit weird. It’s really made me realise that before I had kids, I had So. Much. Time.  But that’s always the way it is, isn’t it? You don’t appreciate something until it’s gone. And then you have a new blessing in its place and all you can think is, “wow I’m so constantly busy” and “wow, I would love to use the bathroom alone,” and “wow, I can’t remember what silence sounds like.” You lose yourself a little bit in motherhood. You find new parts of yourself too, of course. You grow and stretch and rise so much that it hurts. But you’re also so constantly on 24/7 that you barely have enough time to think you’re own thoughts. Last night my daughter slept through the night! It was amazing! I feel so well rested today and I’m so thankful. I have no idea why or how or anything else and it probably won’t happen again for goodness knows how long, but...

It was the other night as I was ever so elegantly puking into the overgrown bushes that grace our driveway, that this idea pinged into my head. Why not write about the common places to throw up in when morning sickness (let's face it though, a man definitely came up with that name, it's all day and night) has you wrapped around it's little finger? How fun! Definitely a normal thing to write about. And even better, I'm ranking them from worst to best, so if you're reading this and you ever have enough time to choose where you next puke, then hopefully this list will be helpful. I'm giving myself the grand authority to list these places because I've been lucky enough to have thrown up hundreds of times over two pregnancies. What a dream! Places to throw up in when you're pregnant, from worst to best: 1) On yourself in the car when you don't have a suitable receptacle. This is most probably the worst place. It will go on your clothes. It will soak onto ...

When you’re a stay-at-home parent, the challenging days are inevitable and can feel all-consuming. Maybe you’re sick or your child is sick (or if you’re super unlucky, both of you are). Maybe you’re exhausted from too many sleepless nights in a row. Or maybe you’re just in a funk and are wishing you could be in Fiji (thanks, COVID-19), but instead you’re living Groundhog Day #5001 and it’s pouring with rain and if your toddler climbs on the table one more time, you’ll probably lock yourself in the laundry. We all have those days where we need to rest. But that tends to be impossible when you have a small person to look after. Today has been a meh day. The sun is shining so beautifully; a wonderful, clear winter day. However, I’m sick, pregnant, and feeling overall run-down. My toddler is climbing the walls with boredom. It’s really great. So I thought I’d write up a handy survival guide of what helps us on these in-a-funk days when resting isn’t really an option. It’s quite a short lis...

Unpopular opinion incoming ahead! I realise how pessimistic this is all going to sound from the get-go (much to my husband’s glee - he is a firm believer that I’m a pessimist, even though I prefer the term realist (which I understand is probably something only a pessimist would say!)). But please do hear me out, internet-void land. And also please do know that this isn’t going to be a post about the fun type of attraction (swoon!), unfortunately. It’s about the ever-popular Law of Attraction and how it irks me. Another small disclaimer before I launch full steam ahead into my rant. I am totally for coping strategies that help your mental health, the Law of Attraction way of thinking included (within reason, but I’ll get to that). I am a huge supporter of practising gratitude and have seen firsthand how much it has helped my recovery. I am also a firm believer in the idea, “what you focus on/pour your energy into, grows.” That might seem confusing at first, given that this is one of the...

It’s true that becoming a parent pushes you way out of your comfort zone. Yes, this can be in terms of strength and confidence and challenging situations. You know, all of those Real Growth Opportunities that we’re presented with daily.  But why does no one talk about the insignificant things that are deeply awful which you have to face as a parent? Sure, holding your child still for immunisations doesn’t feel that great and nor does trying to get banana stains out of clothes (banana stains are the worst; if anyone tries to tell you it’s pumpkin, they’re lying).  For one second though, let’s just take a moment to acknowledge quite possibly the most gross and uncomfortable situation you may be faced with as a parent of a small person. It’s not what you may think at first. I can handle the poonamis’ that flood up the back and down to the knees. Give me cemented wheatbix to scrape off furniture any day. Watch me reach into the toilet to pick out the cloth wipe that accidentally f...

“You’re creating a rod for your own back.” This is a statement that’s said to many new parents when they’re told that they are doing things wrong by responding to their baby.  It’s a statement that’s designed to scare you about the “bad habits you’ll create”. To make you question following your own instincts. To make you feel guilty for responding to your child in a way that feels natural and right. It’s normally said with regards to sleep. When new parents worry that their baby isn’t sleeping through the night. When they worry that their baby just wants to be close to them. When they worry that their baby can’t do the mysterious, holy grail of “self-soothing” that all the sleep programmes worship. Once I read an article which said that if you don’t teach your baby to self-soothe, then you’re disrespecting their need for sleep. This same article was also trying to sell the reader a very expensive sleep training programme which was designed to “fix” your supposedly broken baby. ...

Whenever I read “take a shower” on one of those how-to self-care/relax/reset/be mindful lists, I laugh. The good old days. When having a shower could actually be any of those things. The other day I didn’t shower for two days (really not that bad in the big scheme of things). When I mentioned it to my husband in passing, he said “why? Don’t you just bring [Miss 15 months] with you?” You know, overall daring to imply that it wasn’t that hard. I just looked at him. Gave him a look that says, “oh, sweetie (with a healthy dose of eyeball transmitted sarcasm)” or “how often do you take her into the bathroom with you while you shower?” or “yeah it’s really easy, that’s why I choose to do it five times a day just for fun.” But because I don’t have the emotional energy for an argument (I wish I could take credit for trying to be a Good Partner, but this is marriage. Sometimes it’s a power play), I let it drop with an unimpressed “mhm.” So, since ranting online is definitely a healthier way to ...

When you're a stay-at-home parent, it's very easy for the days to all drag into one. One long, never-ending day of laundry and cleaning and tidying and feeding and washing and wiping and cuddling and soothing. And then if you're really unlucky, the nights join in too. And before you know it you're exhausted beyond all reason and it's hard to find the point in living out each day. Because it's all the same and the day when it's supposed to all get magically easier or better isn't within sight. Some people talk of cups. And that's just it. It's so easy for your cup to be empty, continuously, when you're a parent. The constant, relentless need to be "on" and caring and loving and doing, is inherently draining.  I love my daughter beyond what words can describe, but sometimes I just really want a break from it all. I just want to curl up in bed for a day or two and sleep or watch Netflix or not even do anything at all. Just be.  But tha...