A little while back (okay, turns out it was all the way back in July! This year has been so weird), I wrote about the "rod we had created for our own back" by not sleep training our toddler. It was extremely cathartic at the time, being in the trenches of sleep deprivation and all, to clearly refocus about the why of our choice. And here we are now! It's December and our daughter is 20 months old. There are a lot of changes going on in our house and pretty soon she's going to become a big sister. I figured it was time to write a wee update about our sleep journey.
It has gotten so much better.
Honestly, I can barely comprehend how much has changed. I'm no longer facing each day on a few hours of broken sleep! It's incredible! I mean, all of this is going to change again very soon, but for now it's so blissful.
Logically, I always knew that things would get better, that sleep is developmental and a skill that just requires time, all that yada yada. But when you're in the thick of it, it can be hard to believe that things will actually get better, that things will actually change. Like one day, your kid will actually sleep! And it will blow your mind. I read a quote the other day that said, "Did you know: 100% of babies who are breastfed to sleep, will stop breastfeeding to sleep?" I figured that you could interchange "breastfed" with rocked/walked/cuddled, or you know, any of those rods that we have hidden in our spines. And it's funny, because putting it so plainly like that makes you realize that it is true. Like they actually will be able to put themselves to sleep someday. And as each day that passes, this time comes creeping closer.
And somehow, much to my disbelief, our toddler now puts herself to sleep. And sleeps through the night most nights.
It's honestly so crazy. I need to stop writing that. But it's true, and I think any other parent who has been in the thick of sleep deprivation, to have it suddenly do a full 180, will understand how baffling this is too.
I wish we could say that we discovered a magic trick that changed everything. Because then parents all across the world could finally get some sleep too. But we didn't. It just happened out of the blue. We didn't see it coming. As horribly annoying as it is to hear, all she needed was time.
On the day she turned 18 months old, she put herself to sleep in her bed. When we put her into her cot, she cried for approximately 30 seconds. You know, long enough to quickly dash off to pee before you resume the never-ending task of Bedtime. Then she stopped crying. So we waited. And waited. We could hear her chatting to herself on the monitor. She talked for about 20 minutes that night and then she fell asleep.
We were Shocked (inc). It was truly lifechanging.
18 months of rocking, cuddling, and walking, were suddenly over just like that. She started putting herself to sleep for every nap and bedtime, easily and happily, without tears. She also started sleeping through the night most of the time, or if not, then usually just one wake up. And she happily puts herself back to bed after a cuddle or some milk.
I don't know how else to say how unbelievable it all feels, and I get that me saying that is probably getting awfully annoying, but it's true. Every time she puts herself to sleep now, which is every day, I literally thank my lucky stars. My back no longer threatens to snap! My eyeballs don't feel like sandpaper! Mentally, I feel so much better.
In saying all of this, however, we also know that her sleep will still have ups and downs as she continues to grow (and let's not even mention the two year old molars that are still to come; I'm scared). But this is okay and perfectly normal. Now, we have hope that things actually do get better!
Baby #2 doesn't have long left to bake and I'm feeling quite positive that our sleep journey with our first has taught us a lot of things to help us prepare for the next sleep journey. Not in terms of what overpriced sleep sheep to buy or what essential oil is crucial, but rather that we have a trust in our children now. In their ability to learn for themselves and in our ability to simply support them as they learn this developmental skill. My husband and I have talked a lot about how we will cope with the sleep needs of our next baby and have decided that sleep will come before all else, no matter the supposed "shoulds" and "should nots". We're totally happy to co-sleep if that means we all get more shut-eye. We're happy to create all the rods we need to support baby #2 as she eventually learns to sleep on her own.
Because she will. She will get there too, just like her big sister did. We will make it out the other side again.
Sometimes all you need is trust in the time that is passing; that its very passing is bringing you exactly what you need. That you don’t have to do anything per say, but just simply be in it.
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