2020 has been one hell of a year and although it’s not over just quite yet, 2021 is within close reach now. Will it be better? Will it be terrible? Nobody knows. We only know that it’s fast approaching in just a few short hours and that the best way to prepare - physically, mentally, and spiritually - is to forget the resolution writing or the partying. Simply go forth and read something on the internet that makes you feel inadequate and tells you to buy things.
If I may say so myself, this list is the mother of all lists. Sure, you can follow the list that tells you to spend $347 on backstage Peppa Pig passes or $76.32 on organic-keto-spf0 sunscreen, and you might have a successful year. Alternatively, you could also spend approximately $34 on a booty shaking llama to entertain your toddler or $8 million to hire Rhianna (provided she’s allowed in at the border of course) for a private concert, as a nice way to unwind while you parent through a pandemic. There are clearly options for all budgets, yet they are endless, so I’ve done the hard work for you. This list is a careful selection of all of the things you definitely need to ensure that 2021 is an absolute joy of a year and that you will survive any future lockdowns with your small children.
10. A cardboard box. So many uses and so much fun to be had. Toddlers seem to be like cats (?) in that if they find a box, they will get in it. Nobody knows why. It’s just nice and womb-like I suppose. If you have scissors handy you can even cut a door or a window for an ultimate good time.
9. Pegs. With a good selection of pegs, all of the actual toys will be left forgotten in a corner. You can stick pegs on your toddlers clothes to turn them into a mini stegosaurus (beware, this may backfire on you in a few years to come). You can create a peg-version of Jenga. Or you can play the current favourite game in our house, where the toddler lays down (this is the hardest part), and you arrange as many pegs on them as you can before they leap upwards the pegs fly everywhere. Ours loves it and the average score is approximately two pegs, so you have a pretty low bar to beat. A small warning though: this game has serious Buckaroo vibes, so your palms may begin to sweat just as they did when you were eight while playing with your cousins.
8. Reliable access to Wikipedia. Okay so this one is more for you, but hear me out - it will benefit the whole family. If you can’t sleep at 2:47am because you’re pregnant, or your newborn will only sleep on you, or your toddler is taking up the whole bed so you’re left clinging to the edge for dear life - all you need is a downward spiral into a Wikipedia black hole. Wikipedia will make you forget your shoulder cramps and the ever-growing pile of laundry. Wikipedia has your back. You’ll also have fun facts to tell your family in the morning. For example, did you know that poisoned Halloween candy is actually an urban myth (nicely relieving) and that Pythagoras didn’t actually discover the aptly named theorem (strangely disappointing)?
7. A cupboard. Yes, this sounds terrible so let me explain before you picture Vernon Dursley. Small children love to explore junk cupboards. They love to go right into its depths and pull out random stuff you forgot that you had, like a small ziplock back of broken chalk pieces or the dust collection chamber of the vacuum cleaner. 10/10 for mess making potential, 5/10 for motivation for you to clean out the cupboard (you could just shove everything back in so they have somewhere great to explore the next day), and 10/10 for their entertainment.
6. Wrapping paper. Is Christmas over? Yes! Is wrapping paper made redundant? Never! If you’re stuck on a long afternoon, wrap up some things from around the house. Your toddler won’t care what’s inside, but will be stoked for the 17 seconds it takes to rip through Rudolf and his herd.
5. A vacuum cleaner. For obvious reasons. But also because vacuum cleaners are magical contraptions to small children - that cracker is suddenly gone! The Lego is suddenly gone! Everything disappears. It’s truly wonderful if they enjoy using it too; we’ve had many tantrums in our house because the vacuum cleaner had to “say goodnight”.
4. A newspaper. What can’t you do with one of these bad boys - it’s fun for the whole family. You can cry over the housing market, read the angry letters to the editor, and find out all the mundane local gossip from your small town. You can also try out your speed at sudoku or crosswords for 27 seconds before your toddler snatches it from beneath you. And for them, the opportunities are endless too. They can scrunch it, they can rip it, they can scribble over everyone’s faces. They can also get their hands so inky that you question if Santa actually did leave some coal laying around or if they’ve just mauled the mayor on page 4.
3. Two bowls, one spoon. Transferring literally anything from one bowl to another is essentially Six Flags in toddler land. Water, sand, Christmas tree pine needles that you’re still finding in your house up until at least February; take your pick really.
2. A pen. Small children really love things that make permanent marks on other things. Make sure it’s a pen that you like the colour of because Banksy will definitely be visiting your home over the next few the years to come.
1. A solar-powered water fountain. If you ask my husband at any given point, “what’s the best $20 you’ve ever spent?”, he will never say a scratchie or travel insurance. No matter the time or place, he will reliably answer, “the solar-powered water fountain from TradeMe.” Its like a magic trick, honestly. All you need is to get a bowl/pot/container of water, stick the fountain in, make sure it’s in the sun and voila! They will drink from it. They will try drown it. They will throw it and watch it and stand on it. Hours, truly hours, of entertainment to be had. If you don’t have an outdoor space, simply stick the fountain in a sunny spot inside and cover the area with enough tarpaulins so that you could give birth there if you wanted to. Then watch the magic unfold.
So there you go. A complete guide to everything you need to make sure 2021 with a toddler is somehow better than 2020. Happy cleaning and happy new year, team!
If I may say so myself, this list is the mother of all lists. Sure, you can follow the list that tells you to spend $347 on backstage Peppa Pig passes or $76.32 on organic-keto-spf0 sunscreen, and you might have a successful year. Alternatively, you could also spend approximately $34 on a booty shaking llama to entertain your toddler or $8 million to hire Rhianna (provided she’s allowed in at the border of course) for a private concert, as a nice way to unwind while you parent through a pandemic. There are clearly options for all budgets, yet they are endless, so I’ve done the hard work for you. This list is a careful selection of all of the things you definitely need to ensure that 2021 is an absolute joy of a year and that you will survive any future lockdowns with your small children.
10. A cardboard box. So many uses and so much fun to be had. Toddlers seem to be like cats (?) in that if they find a box, they will get in it. Nobody knows why. It’s just nice and womb-like I suppose. If you have scissors handy you can even cut a door or a window for an ultimate good time.
9. Pegs. With a good selection of pegs, all of the actual toys will be left forgotten in a corner. You can stick pegs on your toddlers clothes to turn them into a mini stegosaurus (beware, this may backfire on you in a few years to come). You can create a peg-version of Jenga. Or you can play the current favourite game in our house, where the toddler lays down (this is the hardest part), and you arrange as many pegs on them as you can before they leap upwards the pegs fly everywhere. Ours loves it and the average score is approximately two pegs, so you have a pretty low bar to beat. A small warning though: this game has serious Buckaroo vibes, so your palms may begin to sweat just as they did when you were eight while playing with your cousins.
8. Reliable access to Wikipedia. Okay so this one is more for you, but hear me out - it will benefit the whole family. If you can’t sleep at 2:47am because you’re pregnant, or your newborn will only sleep on you, or your toddler is taking up the whole bed so you’re left clinging to the edge for dear life - all you need is a downward spiral into a Wikipedia black hole. Wikipedia will make you forget your shoulder cramps and the ever-growing pile of laundry. Wikipedia has your back. You’ll also have fun facts to tell your family in the morning. For example, did you know that poisoned Halloween candy is actually an urban myth (nicely relieving) and that Pythagoras didn’t actually discover the aptly named theorem (strangely disappointing)?
7. A cupboard. Yes, this sounds terrible so let me explain before you picture Vernon Dursley. Small children love to explore junk cupboards. They love to go right into its depths and pull out random stuff you forgot that you had, like a small ziplock back of broken chalk pieces or the dust collection chamber of the vacuum cleaner. 10/10 for mess making potential, 5/10 for motivation for you to clean out the cupboard (you could just shove everything back in so they have somewhere great to explore the next day), and 10/10 for their entertainment.
6. Wrapping paper. Is Christmas over? Yes! Is wrapping paper made redundant? Never! If you’re stuck on a long afternoon, wrap up some things from around the house. Your toddler won’t care what’s inside, but will be stoked for the 17 seconds it takes to rip through Rudolf and his herd.
5. A vacuum cleaner. For obvious reasons. But also because vacuum cleaners are magical contraptions to small children - that cracker is suddenly gone! The Lego is suddenly gone! Everything disappears. It’s truly wonderful if they enjoy using it too; we’ve had many tantrums in our house because the vacuum cleaner had to “say goodnight”.
4. A newspaper. What can’t you do with one of these bad boys - it’s fun for the whole family. You can cry over the housing market, read the angry letters to the editor, and find out all the mundane local gossip from your small town. You can also try out your speed at sudoku or crosswords for 27 seconds before your toddler snatches it from beneath you. And for them, the opportunities are endless too. They can scrunch it, they can rip it, they can scribble over everyone’s faces. They can also get their hands so inky that you question if Santa actually did leave some coal laying around or if they’ve just mauled the mayor on page 4.
3. Two bowls, one spoon. Transferring literally anything from one bowl to another is essentially Six Flags in toddler land. Water, sand, Christmas tree pine needles that you’re still finding in your house up until at least February; take your pick really.
2. A pen. Small children really love things that make permanent marks on other things. Make sure it’s a pen that you like the colour of because Banksy will definitely be visiting your home over the next few the years to come.
1. A solar-powered water fountain. If you ask my husband at any given point, “what’s the best $20 you’ve ever spent?”, he will never say a scratchie or travel insurance. No matter the time or place, he will reliably answer, “the solar-powered water fountain from TradeMe.” Its like a magic trick, honestly. All you need is to get a bowl/pot/container of water, stick the fountain in, make sure it’s in the sun and voila! They will drink from it. They will try drown it. They will throw it and watch it and stand on it. Hours, truly hours, of entertainment to be had. If you don’t have an outdoor space, simply stick the fountain in a sunny spot inside and cover the area with enough tarpaulins so that you could give birth there if you wanted to. Then watch the magic unfold.
So there you go. A complete guide to everything you need to make sure 2021 with a toddler is somehow better than 2020. Happy cleaning and happy new year, team!
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