Okay, so I’ve got to let you in on a not-very-secret secret. Two under two life is bloody beautiful and absolute chaos with a side of chaos, and did I mention chaos? Who would have thought? One minute everyone’s crying, probably you included, and then the next the toddler gently pats the baby’s head while you read a story and nek minnit the toddler floods the bathroom while the baby yanks her own hair too hard again and then seven minutes later they hold hands and you think, “ooh yes this is lovely, I’ll have eight please,” and then someone throws hummus on the floor and the moment vanishes quicker than that new box of Nutri-Grain.
I’ve been doing this whole two under two shindig for 10 whole weeks now, and so I wanted to record some realisations I’ve come to for when everything inevitably turns to custard again. This way, I can hopefully remember helpful stuff instead of believing that everything is dire and that I won’t ever get five minutes alone until the kiddos are 15.
And yes, upon reflection all of these realisations are painfully obvious. But if you’re like me, you can read all about everyone else's experiences and resonate with them, yet it won’t make a shred of difference in the day-to-day. Because at the time you’re all like "ooh yeah, I've really gotta let the small things go," but until that lightbulb moment in your own brain happens, you're still clawing onto the small things tooth and nail. So here are my personal lightbulb moments that I've had as of late and I can actually feel things shifting. It's pretty cool. I'd like to think these realizations are calming me down, but perhaps they're just making me care less. Perhaps these are the same thing.
1) Just doing one thing at a time. Very helpful. 10/10 recommend your brain trying this one out if you get a chance, because it has truly been a game changer. I've been trying to stop literally running around the house and from child to child, trying to get the parenthood equivalent of Everest accomplished right now. Trying to do it all in the span of five minutes just makes me feel all over the show and only little bits and pieces, here and there, actually get done. So instead, I've been focusing on going to each child as they need me. And in those rare, unicorn moments when they don't, I focus on one job at time, even if means that unloading the dishwasher takes 20 interruptions and two hours. Only then I'll move onto the washing or whatever else feels the most pressing, because then at least one thing is complete, you know? Mentally, it just makes me feel better. Although, before you know it 12 hours have passed and I'm only just reaching into the depths of the washing machine, but I do feel a lot calmer overall so that’s something. And this leads me to . . .
2) Prioritize meeting your own basic needs, you silly goose! I mean, let's just leave sleeping out of this one because that’s just a wild dream in the dark and in the daylight isn’t it? I’m more likely to become an All Black than to get a nap (you know it's true when NZ's favorite analogy demonstrating the height of impossibility is used), but that doesn't mean that I've got to suffer in all the ways. Get the kids fed and relatively happy and then feed yourself! Leave the dishes and the washing, and eat something and drink something and brush your teeth and if you’re feeling real fancy, get dressed. When you spend literally every waking moment looking after your little humans, there is no time for you, like ever. So before you begin to tackle the monstrous day ahead, make yourself leave the ever mounting things for a few minutes to get feeling slightly more like a real Homo sapien, instead of a cooking-cleaning-dairy cow-hybrid. It will help, I promise.
3) See other people, often! Especially other people over the age of three! If you get the chance to talk to another adult, especially one with little kids too, take it and run like Forrest. Even if it means stressing because every available seat in your living room has washing on it, or the fact that you’ll have to somehow get everyone in the car; it’s always worth it. Well, to be honest sometimes it isn’t because it ends with all three of you in tears and you vowing to never bother trying again, but if it does work out this will make you feel SO GOOD and that's a risk I'm encouraging you to take. There's little more in life that's sweeter than a chat with a friend whose toddler is also naked and drawing on the walls, while your kids eat their body weight in crackers.
4) Turn a blind eye when you need to. If you’re trying to get something done and you just really need to get it done to feel substantially less stabby, then just zone in and let everything unfold around you. If they've already started doing something they shouldn't and it's keeping them entertained (and obviously isn't dangerous or actually terrible or anything), just pretend not to notice. Get your own stuff done and then sort out the mess after. Maybe you need to make a long, annoying call or chop seven different vegetables or reply to an important email. Or maybe you just need to eat a piece of toast without anyone screaming or relentlessly needing you. So, just let things happen. Let the dog biscuits empty over the floor, let the pot plants be overwatered, let the cupboard be emptied. Just do your thing, let it make you feel better, and then deal with the aftermath, after. Otherwise, everyone’s angry and the thing isn’t done and it really all just keeps going downhill from there.
Okay, so this is all I’ve got for now I’m afraid. What a very limited list of painfully obvious realisations! Clearly, I haven't actually realized all that much. In the near future, I do hope to have lightbulb moments about letting the little things go (classic!), not comparing myself to others (even more of a classic!), and accepting help when it’s offered (okay, now I'm just beyond dreaming). I’ll report back in 15 years when I’ve made some progress on those, okay?
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