The rejection pile.

Before I begin upon this journey of a ramble, please rest assured that this isn't a woe is me post, because those are boring. Of course it's entirely normal and good and sometimes necessary to throw a bit of a pity party, but all in moderation of course! In short, this piece is not (well hopefully not too much of): a pity party. It is: a ramble, definitely.

The rejection pile. The place where we all end up from time to time. Where everything feels too hard and not good enough and you wonder why you even bother, if your work doesn't seem to be getting anywhere.

Yeah. I've been there a lot lately.

Once I read about a person who printed out every single rejection letter she got in her writing career. There were hundreds. There were acceptance letters hidden in there too of course, but it's so easy to gloss over those and focus on all of the negativity because it can feel like that's all there is. Then she got a book offer. And she will probably have many more rejection letters in her lifetime too.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, aside from being all cheesy to say: keep trying. Keep going. Even if it's to say this to no one else but myself.

Kaitlyn, if the point of you writing is just to get validation from someone, you will most often be sorely disappointed. It doesn't matter who reads your work. How many people read it. How frequent those paychecks are. How big your ratio of  "yes's" to "no's" is. 

All of those things are nice. Getting published feels nice. Being accepted is good for your confidence.

But if that's what your self-esteem and confidence is based upon (which mine is very guilty of), then it's weak. And it makes the writing that you tell yourself that you love to do, kind of pointless.

Lately, I've been in that rejection pile what feels like a lot. Hunkered down beneath the "sorry"'s and the "not this time"'s. It's pretty disheartening, because it feels like all of the work I put in just doesn't matter. 

It's silly and very self-centered. I wouldn't think that of anyone else, but of course when it comes to myself it's a different story, as it often is for many of us. 

In the creative industry, there's never any guarantee that those acceptance letters and the validation will come. It's so hit and miss. So to chase after that is kind of sidestepping the point of it all.

Yes. I've gone all it's the journey not the destination that matters, on you. And you would already know that logically, well as much as I do anyway. I won't ramble any more about that because otherwise this will sound more and more like a life coaching lesson, when really I'm just a tired mum ranting online.

Back to the point. My stack of rejection emails has been sky high lately. However, for all of those, I've been lucky enough to get a few acceptance letters too! Which has been cool, but you know, not what I ought to be aiming for. 

Throughout level 4 lockdown here in NZ, I made the most of my husband working from home to have a bit more time to write. I ended up submitting several pieces to the parenting website Motherly, and all of them got rejected aside from one! I'm pretty stoked because it's quite a popular website and I'm hoping to write more for them. You know, in between the toddler-wrangling and the baby-growing and the ever-mounting pile of rejection letters. 

You've got to lose (a lot sometimes), in order to win some (and that might just be a little). 

So, here's a cliche to end on. Keep going. Keep being vulnerable and putting yourself out there to the rejection. Try to enjoy the process while you're at it.