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Why did I name my blog something so ridiculous?

As soon as I named my blog, I just thought "why?"

Why did I do that?

Am I going to regret not calling it something meaningful or sophisticated?

Probably.

But here we are. Tortillas at midnight. Let's go.

You see, I'm in this season of life and it's kind of difficult and lonely and sometimes happy. It's the messy, not-very-pretty, jumble of days and nights that all feel like one and trying not to constantly wish it was the weekend, season. The parenting a toddler and growing a baby season. The grand Who Am I season. The grass is always greener on the other side season. The What Am I Doing season. The laundry season. The housework season. The grumpy season and the joyful season. The eating tortillas at midnight while praying my toddler doesn't wake up season. 

This is one of many attempts to have an outlet for this mess I'm in right now. I've tried blogging about this before, but nothing felt like it flowed and ultimately it was just frustrating. So I did what I always do when I try something creative, but it doesn't work out like I've hoped. I deleted every attempt and didn't bother trying again, because me being annoyingly me, would rather not create anything at all than create something I grow to be unhappy with. It's frustrating. I'm trying to squash that.

I tried using Instagram too, but that didn't feel right either. My house never looks like the houses on the 'gram do. I don't dress my toddler in Jamie Kay. I don't know how to make playdough and I don't want to join a multi-level-marketing scheme and I don't drink celery juice. Logically, I know that everything we see online is just snapshots, especially of the happy things, but I just didn't feel like what I wanted to create fit in there.

So here I am. Attempt number who-knows. One thing is different this time though. I'm promising myself that I'm going to stick around and not delete things just because my perfectionism gets in the way. That's so 2019. 

Anyway, back to the ridiculous name saga. Ordinarily, in my several previous, failed attempts, I would have tried to come up with something unique that felt "right" and it would have taken at least 17 business days and by that stage, I probably would have deleted everything anyway. Therefore, this ridiculous name is a testament to my new goal and how I'm trying to be as a parent and a person. Taking myself less seriously. Having more fun. Not worrying about if things are perfect or not. 

So, future Kaitlyn, who will be reading this as her finger hovers over the delete button in approximately 9 hours: this is why you called your blog something that makes no sense and will probably make people think that you only eat tortillas. Because you're trying something new and sitting with the discomfort and hoping you don't give in.

Without further ado, let's do this (thanks to our wonderful, world's best Prime Minister, Jacinda Arden for the quote (when she says it though, she's referring to being an amazing leader of our country, whereas I'm referring to putting my rants online. Bit of a difference))!
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