Tortillas at Midnight

The weird thing is, is that there’s no singular really hard part of it all. Just one thing that if you could solve, then everything would magically get easier. It’s more an accumulation of lots of little things that wear you down. They pile up and up each day, getting more towering and making you lose your balance. Then as you tend to one thing to stop it crumbling, everything else rises to fill in the space. I guess what I’m trying to say is that parenting is basically Tetris. A version without a pause button or an off switch. And that the reason you break down over the overflowing washing basket or some spilt cereal actually has nothing to do with the washing or the cereal. It’s because you haven’t gotten more than a few broken hours of sleep for months. It’s because cleaning the house is an endless chore that can be undone in seconds. It’s because you can’t have an uninterrupted conversation. It’s because little people have big feelings. It’s because it’s so hard to find a moment to...

One of the parts I was the most worried about before the arrival of our second babe, was how on earth I would cope with two. I mean, I felt like having one and “coping” was already a fairly generous term. I’d base a day’s success off remembering to pack spare clothes and not ending up in urgent care because our toddler had managed to wallop her poor head yet again. It’s the small wins that count, right? So it’s unsurprising that the thought of having two small people, totally dependent on me, was a bit daunting. What do I do if they’re both crying? How do I ensure they both feel loved, even if I have to let one be for a bit while I tend to the other? And most crucially, how on earth do I get them both into the car without all three of us in tears? It’s safe to say that four weeks on, I really have no answers. I don’t feel that I’m anymore knowledgeable now than I was, and we just kind of muddle through each day. The thing is though, I’m not worried about it anymore. Okay, let’s be real...

These days I feel torn in two directions Pulled and tugged and wishing I could split into two, for my Spaceship bumbling patiently along, destined for Saturn And my rocket soaring through the galaxy, determined to reach the moon And there I am, anchored down in the middle Two feet firmly planted in this space of sorts Where I can stretch, 25% maybe, but I can never grasp either completely Entirely As they rush and flow and change I can only give each a little. It’s hard not to feel like my attempts are half-hearted Because, trust me, I’d love to follow the rocket, seeing how high she can go Just as I’d love to carefully hold the spaceship, to wrap her up with steel and wool Yet these arms of mine are too short to swarm throughout the galaxy Running after them both; My arms must be stagnant. Yet when my vessels need a break from those grand, old Adventures they set out upon  They have somewhere familiar to return to I’ll always be grounded right here in the middle Whether by lack of...

Here’s a special selection of thoughts brought directly to you from the depths of an ungodly hour, where nothing makes any sense due to obvious reasons. Happy reading! - Who on earth carved the manatee . Did they find the person? Was it Trump himself? Humans are Terrible, end of. - One of my mum friends once told all of us other mum friends when we were in the depths of sleep deprivation with our first, that if you’re breastfeeding then apparently your body does some magic and each hour of sleep is technically worth double. So if you get a whooping 2.5 hours of sleep, then this supposedly equals a grand 5 hours. This doesn’t appear to make any sense, but I think everyone hoped/wished/begged it to be true. - How do rubbish trucks collect the rubbish from a bin if there is a car parked in front? What is this sorcery? I’m 25 and I’ve never worked it out. - BreastfeedingIsGreatBreastfeedingIsTerrible. Repeat x107, day and night. - I was under the impression that only children wore mittens....

How many more days until you go back to work? I check the calendar twice a day. I’m 98% scared and 2% like “I’ve got this.” Until I don’t, maybe. My phone told me that my screen time increased by a whooping 83% in the past week. Sudoku is how I’ve been trying to keep myself awake during all the wake ups. I’m trying out the medium level. As my eyelids drop and crash time and time again, I see all the little numbers. The grids. Keep playing. Stay awake. Where does the next eight go? The websites say that if you start to feel drowsy while feeding your baby, put them in a safe sleeping environment and go get some rest for yourself. This is both sage and laughable advice. Why do they think we’re even up every 45 minutes, feeding, if not to try and get sleep? If only it were that easy, too. I’m sure all babies understand that when the person feeding them is tired, that it’s just time to happily go to bed. Go figure. Our oldest has sprung up heaps of new words these past few weeks, and a coup...

2020 has been one hell of a year and although it’s not over just quite yet, 2021 is within close reach now. Will it be better? Will it be terrible? Nobody knows. We only know that it’s fast approaching in just a few short hours and that the best way to prepare - physically, mentally, and spiritually - is to forget the resolution writing or the partying. Simply go forth and read something on the internet that makes you feel inadequate and tells you to buy things. If I may say so myself, this list is the mother of all lists. Sure, you can follow the list that tells you to spend $347 on backstage Peppa Pig passes or $76.32 on organic-keto-spf0 sunscreen, and you might have a successful year. Alternatively, you could also spend approximately $34 on a booty shaking llama to entertain your toddler or $8 million to hire Rhianna (provided she’s allowed in at the border of course) for a private concert, as a nice way to unwind while you parent through a pandemic. There are clearly options for...

This is something you should read if you've had A Real Day and you need to know that other people have these sorts of Days too. It would have been funny if it wasn't me, so please do laugh at my expense so that at least someone can get some good old joy out of this Tuesday's mishaps. It all started with the wisdom teeth. My husband recently had a less than fun experience getting one wisdom tooth removed with his regular dentist, so an oral surgeon was recommended for the other three because apparently sedation is more pleasant. Today was the day. We drove into the big smoke (a big deal for us #smalltownlife folk) and found the surgeon's office. All was fine. Maya Angelou was still in one piece at this point, as far as I'm aware. When my toddler and I left my husband at the surgery, I figured we could go hang out at Te Papa while we waited. She loves it there and who doesn't enjoy seeing the giant squid? So we got back to the car and it was pouring with rain and ...

We don't have a happy baby. This isn't the sort of thing that you're meant to say, I'm well aware of that. And it's especially not the answer that people want to hear (particularly strangers) when they ask, "is she a good baby?" That's a question that annoys me more than most other parenting related questions (yes, even more so than the classic, "is she self-soothing yet?" or the ever-so patronizing, "you've got mum wrapped around your little finger, don't you?"). What even is a good baby? One that doesn't have any needs to be met an inconvenient times? One that self-cleans like those fancy blenders? Anyway, I digress.  Our baby, well now toddler, has never been what you'd typically call a happy baby. From day dot until she was 3-4 months old, she screamed inconsolably for hours every day. It took us three doctors until we finally found one that didn't brush us off and then diagnosed her with silent reflux. But t...

I feel like I’m in a big, dark hole and I’m annoyed that I can’t even think of a better simile right now. Sleep deprivation has got me good. These past 6 months or so, my toddler’s sleep hasn’t been that great. It ebbs and flows though, and right now we’re in a very big trough. I have a permanent headache and I can’t think straight. I feel like I’m seperate from the world outside, just watching on, stuck in this well that I can’t get out of.  I know it all sounds very dramatic. Sleep deprivation can make you feel like the world is ending, when in fact  you just need one of your basic human needs to be met and then ta-dah! You feel on top of the world again. It really is that magical. I’ve been feeling irrationally angry at everyone who gets to sleep lately, which isn’t fair. I mean this morning I even found myself feeling jealous of our dog who gets to laze around and explore the garden and go on adventurous walks. And sleep. Whenever she wants. I wish we could swap roles some...

It was the other night as I was ever so elegantly puking into the overgrown bushes that grace our driveway, that this idea pinged into my head. Why not write about the common places to throw up in when morning sickness (let's face it though, a man definitely came up with that name, it's all day and night) has you wrapped around it's little finger? How fun! Definitely a normal thing to write about. And even better, I'm ranking them from worst to best, so if you're reading this and you ever have enough time to choose where you next puke, then hopefully this list will be helpful. I'm giving myself the grand authority to list these places because I've been lucky enough to have thrown up hundreds of times over two pregnancies. What a dream! Places to throw up in when you're pregnant, from worst to best: 1) On yourself in the car when you don't have a suitable receptacle. This is most probably the worst place. It will go on your clothes. It will soak onto ...

It’s true that becoming a parent pushes you way out of your comfort zone. Yes, this can be in terms of strength and confidence and challenging situations. You know, all of those Real Growth Opportunities that we’re presented with daily.  But why does no one talk about the insignificant things that are deeply awful which you have to face as a parent? Sure, holding your child still for immunisations doesn’t feel that great and nor does trying to get banana stains out of clothes (banana stains are the worst; if anyone tries to tell you it’s pumpkin, they’re lying).  For one second though, let’s just take a moment to acknowledge quite possibly the most gross and uncomfortable situation you may be faced with as a parent of a small person. It’s not what you may think at first. I can handle the poonamis’ that flood up the back and down to the knees. Give me cemented wheatbix to scrape off furniture any day. Watch me reach into the toilet to pick out the cloth wipe that accidentally f...

Whenever I read “take a shower” on one of those how-to self-care/relax/reset/be mindful lists, I laugh. The good old days. When having a shower could actually be any of those things. The other day I didn’t shower for two days (really not that bad in the big scheme of things). When I mentioned it to my husband in passing, he said “why? Don’t you just bring [Miss 15 months] with you?” You know, overall daring to imply that it wasn’t that hard. I just looked at him. Gave him a look that says, “oh, sweetie (with a healthy dose of eyeball transmitted sarcasm)” or “how often do you take her into the bathroom with you while you shower?” or “yeah it’s really easy, that’s why I choose to do it five times a day just for fun.” But because I don’t have the emotional energy for an argument (I wish I could take credit for trying to be a Good Partner, but this is marriage. Sometimes it’s a power play), I let it drop with an unimpressed “mhm.” So, since ranting online is definitely a healthier way to ...

Now that I'm pregnant with baby number 2 (and made it to the 12 week mark! Yay! It's a sigh of relief), it's been slowly dawning on me that I'll have to give birth again. Yes. It's obvious. The baby can't stay inside forever, right? Although when my daughter was first born and we got the shock of our lives as to how hard parenting is, I did sometimes wish she could go back in. I mean, being heavily pregnant is pretty uncomfortable, but at least they don't cry then. Anyway, now that we've made it through the scary first trimester, I'm realizing that this baby will have to come out, at some point. And my feelings on that are . . . mixed (as though I have a choice in that matter!) I'm not scared of birth. I'm not dreading it. I don't feel anxious about it (yet, maybe check back on that one closer to the time). And I know that I can do it. But right now, the thought of giving birth just sounds really unappealing . And now it's totally oka...

Today has been a strange morning so far, involving plumbers, blue food colouring, and awkwardly pacing around inside my house. Is it just me who gets nervous and feels awkward when they have a tradie working in their house? It's probably just me. This would be a typical thing that makes me feel weird, but no one else would seem to have a problem with it. Now I'm just rambling. Another weird thing I do. We have a couple of plumbers working on the downstairs in our house as we're renovating the bathroom. The plumbers are very nice and normal and I've talked to them and showed them the work that needs to be done and it was fine. They aren't even in the main section of our house. My toddler and I are on a completely different floor, but with every little noise I think, "but what if they come up the stairs?" And I mean, what if they do? Therefore, in the possibility that they may come into the main section of our house (which again, is unlikely, given that all ...